Game Night
by HanaTohruShipperMorgan
Summary: [[Challengefic]] It began with a board game.
1. Game Night

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. _**This applies to all chapters.**_ If I'm not allowed to do that, tell me and I'll fix it.

Also, this is a challenge fic. To see what challenge I've taken, look around in my forums. I'd be delighted to have you anyway. Beyond that, these chapters are going to be sporadic in length. They could be nearly a drabble or more than five hundred words. I'm not used to writing chapter fics, but I'll do my best!

Important to note: This is not supposed to be sane. Don't expect it to make sense. If you like sense, go elsewhere. I can't help you. Now, enjoy!

_**It began with a board game.**  
_

It had been Shigure's idea, and, when Tohru had agreed, Kyou and Yuki hadn't been about to let her walk unprotected into the wild abyss of Shigure's room. So of course they had to play as well.

But Shigure chose the game.

"Oooh, four letters with 'k' on the triple letter score means--"

"That. Is not. A word." Kyou's voice came out in short spurts between his clenched teeth. Tohru didn't understand why he looked so angry -- or, for that matter, why Yuki was hiding his eyes behind his hands and sighing -- so she looked at the word, frowned, and decided that it didn't look all that strange.

"It's not?" Tohru asked, brow furrowed, "But Shigure told me--"

Two loud sounds that startled Tohru much less than they should have, and Shigure toppled forward with a dazed grin on his face. The Scrabble pieces scattered across the table, making nonsense words and a mess that Tohru felt obligated to clean up.

Well, after she got Shigure to wake up. That took a while. But then she knew that she had to do her part to keep their home clean!

She looked at the pieces first, because there were some interesting words that had made themselves up. Touching them each in turn, she saw 'zi', 'ppy', 'razzma', 'tazz', 'bipp', 'ity', 'bo', 'pitty', and 'boo'.

And suddenly the world shattered.


	2. Scrabble

_**Never underestimate the power of words.**_

The first thing she noticed was the quiet. The second thing was an explosion of sound as Kyou woke up, then the ricochet as everyone else got to their feet and screamed back at him to be quiet. The third thing she noticed was the fact that 'everyone' had really become everyone.

The entire Zodiac -- plus Kyou and Akito -- was there, and so were Uo and Hana. It was a moment before she pinched herself and realized that she wasn't dreaming.

It was a longer moment as she had a rushed conversation with the picture of Mom that was larger than life and leaning against the wall with the caption, "Mother is watching!" After that, Tohru quickly decided that everything would work out well so long as she was herself and did her best!

Though she still didn't know what she could do her best at.

"Tohru?" Hana asked quietly, startling Tohru out of her thoughts, "Why am I here?"

Tohru took several deep breaths -- much as she loved Hana, she still had an unsettling ability for appearing out of thin air -- and shook her head sadly. "I don't know, Hana, Shigure and Kyou and Yuki and I were all playing Scrabble, and then I tried to clean up the mess we'd made, and then…" Tohru trailed off, smiling hopelessly, "Poof! We were here."

"Weird," muttered Uo, walking toward the two of them. The others were having a fierce argument a ways off concerning the blame for appearing in the middle of nowhere.

"Yes, most certainly," Hana nodded, looking around, "And such strange boulders."

Tohru frowned in confusion, then realized she hadn't really looked around yet. They were on a glossy brown surface, their own faces reflected back at them from beneath their feet. Around them were enormous white tiles with rounded edges. They stretched for miles in every direction. Other than those and the colossal picture of Tohru's mother, the ground reached out in every direction, unbroken and unending as far as the eye could see.

"They look kinda like Scrabble pieces, don't they?" Uo asked, narrowing her eyes in concentration.

A light came up behind Hana's eyes. "Is that so?" she murmured, "Tohru, what was the last word you saw spelled out?"

Tohru thought back as best she could, but her concentration was shattered as the white monoliths started trembling with an earth shaking roar. The Sohma family -- now distant on the horizon, and almost inaudible -- screamed in one voice and took off running.

Terrifying in its height, a white cube that stretched as high as a building was chasing them. On the first side was a single, black dot -- at least as big as Tohru -- but on the next there were more.

"Die."

Hana's voice left Tohru's heart shaking with fear. Die? DIE!

"Kinda harsh, aren't you, Hana?"

Tohru looked back and forth between the two of them, eyes wide with panic.

"Shouldn't we help them?" she asked, voice squeaking.

"Nah."

"Arisa, you really ought to be more considerate."

"You're the one who told 'em to die."

"No. The thing that's chasing them -- that cube -- it's a die."

Uo looked at it -- it was heading towards them, but they still had a moment left before they had to run -- and laughed.

"Man, that's irony if I ever saw it."

_**…A few moments later…**_

They ran -- how could they dodge? it might follow them, and then they'd be close enough to get squashed! -- until the glossy brown road ended abruptly. In the instant before the die got them, they had to choose between death by die, or death by floor.

Tohru made the choice for them, completely by mistake.

"I remember, Hana! It said zippy razzmatazz bippity boppity boo!"

And the world vanished, leaving the die to fall off the table in bewilderment.


	3. Candy Land

**_Never trust gummy bears._**

When the world came back into focus, it was an entirely different world than they remembered. Lush, green grass -- which smelled oddly like mint -- that came up to their ankles sparkled in the lemon-scented sun. Which looked like it was smiling.

A cherry-red gummy bear approached them, grinning wildly.

"Welcome to Candy Land!" it squeaked.

Akito screamed, terrified.

"KILL IT!" he cried, burying his face in Hatori's chest, "FOR THE LOVE OF ME, KILL IT ALREADY!"

Momiji darted forward, holding his hand out warmly. The gummy bear seemed unfazed, and shook his hand clumsily with his paw. Then he turned and took off, Momiji trailing behind with drool dripping out of the corner of his mouth. Haru sighed, then followed Momiji, and then Rin followed him, sneering at the sobbing Akito.

He looked up, and all four of them started running. Akito composed himself shortly thereafter. "They'll be back once they've done my bidding," he said confidently, "They're just doing as I asked."

No one dared contradict him.

**_Shortly thereafter…_**

An hour later found the group split up into search parties. Not only were Momiji, Haru, and Rin gone -- though the groups had each encountered gummy bears, they had not found a single cherry-red one -- but Ritsu and Kureno had vanished as well. Everyone vaguely remembered seeing them on the Scrabble table, but there'd been so much chaos, and the die had been so frightening… Well, no one knew where they were.

They tried not to think about it, either. It felt dreamlike enough to imagine that those who went missing had really just escaped back into the real world.

Therefore, every person left in Candy Land was trying to get lost.

**_Sugar addicts unite!_**

The first to split off had been Hana and Tohru. The two of them had gone chasing after the gummy bear, but had lost track of them when they saw an enormous pool of chocolate. Hana had insisted that Momiji would probably go for that, and -- though Tohru had noticed a strange glint in Hana's eye -- they'd set off.

The pool of chocolate, however, had turned out to be a monster with some very serious sugar issues. He seemed to have just come down off a sugar high, and all his words were slow and fuzzy. Hana was still trying to convince him to give up chocolate -- she'd even offered to take it off his hands herself -- when the sky went dark.

"Oh dear," the fudgy blob had mumbled, "It's Lord Licorice."

And he would say nothing more.

**_Prince Lollipop, I presume?_**

The second group had been Uo and Yuki, who'd taken off after Tohru and Hana. They'd followed them easily at first -- both of them were in much better shape than the others -- but then they'd gotten lost in a lollipop forest. The landscape seemed to shift as they went, only staying put near the rainbow road that Uo said she'd rather burn than walk on.

Yuki tried climbing the lollipops, but got stuck part of the way up. It seemed that his clothing was attached to the sticky blob, and he could either stay put or undress.

After five minutes of Uo's threats -- and, as she realized what was happening, cat calls -- he decided he wasn't sure which was the lesser evil.

When the sky went dark, the lollipop flung him off onto the ground and then vanished. The rainbow road appeared beside them, winding its way up to a castle. A dark figure stood on its highest spire and laughed.

But Yuki didn't notice, because it seemed that Uo had decided a sticky, rainbow Yuki with mussed up hair was much, much funnier than ominous licorice.

**_Call the fire department!_**

Kyou and Kagura made up the third group, though not by choice. Kyou had said something stupid -- and for the life of him, he couldn't remember what he'd said -- and Kagura had begun chasing him.

The landscape had changed a dozen times before she caught up. Though he'd tried going through the chimney of some sweet-smelling house -- he was too big, he thought, or not jolly enough -- going across candy moats and behind two different castles, it was only in the upper branches of a gumdrop tree that he found sanctuary.

Unfortunately, being a cat, he couldn't climb back down.

When darkness fell, he'd been throwing gumdrops at Kagura, who'd taken to calling them gifts of LOVE and ADORATION, and she'd been trying to climb up to join him in the tree.

**_Brr…_**

Shigure and Ayame, however, were having a very strange time indeed. Though they'd originally gone after their beloved cousins, eventually Ayame had decided to double back and chase his brother for some bonding time. They'd taken the rainbow road the entire way, though, and could see no trace of anyone.

Until a glistening confection had appeared before them, of course. One lone woman stood at the tip of one yummy spire, resplendent in pastels. It dropped thirty degrees without any warning whatsoever, and Ayame transformed.

Of course, Shigure had wrapped him around his neck -- 'you're a boa!' they'd laughed, the sugar in the air finally permeating their brains -- and continued on over to the sugary dream land. The woman floated down to them, calling out in a high, sweet voice.

**_Someone unexpected._**

"Welcome! I am Queen Frostine, and this--"

She stopped as she heard the two of them crack up. Surely she'd heard one voice, as there was only one man? But, no, there had most definitely been two.

"Look at that dress!" came a voice, "Short sleeves in this weather?"

The Queen bristled, searching for the one to insult her, but the only man present was still laughing. It couldn't have been him.

"I feel no cold," she said huffily, "I am Queen Frostine, and--"

"I certainly feel cold," the voice replied, and the man's laughter fell to a chuckle, then a giggle, then a cough.

"Yes," he said, "It is rather chilly."

"You know," the other voice added, cutting off the Queen's reply, "I could design a new outfit for you, one that would add beauty and romance to your life. The fantasies I could weave for you! If only you'd leave this frigid wasteland, I'd be more than willing to design something for you."

"I am an Ice Princess," the Queen replied, glaring at them, "I--"

"Oh, so you're too good to talk to us, then?" the man replied, rolling his eyes.

"How rude of her! Don't you agree, Gure-san?"

"Well, I suppose the _Queen_ must have more important people to talk to than us, Aaya," the man replied, voice thick with sarcasm.

"Of course, of course. After all, we are merely artists, isn't that so? So unappreciated! All I did was offer to give her a new look!"

"I'll melt if I go into the sun!" the Queen snapped, patience spent. She was supposed to welcome guests, but these two--

"Oh, how delicate!" the man replied, "I suppose the Queen can't be bothered with a sunburn!"

Her reply was cut off as the sky suddenly went dark, and red licorice lightning whistled between her highest tower and the Licorice Estate.

Oh dear. The day was not looking up.

**_And evil masterminds._**

Hatori and Akito were the next group. They were not searching for the lost members of their group -- Akito was sure that they would never be able to resist him, and that they'd be drawn back eventually -- but storming a castle.

Akito, as it turned out, had accepted a cookie from a sweet little old woman. A cookie with nuts. As Akito was allergic to nuts, he had thrown the cookie at the woman and run away screaming, 'Off with her head' and leaving poor Gramma Nut completely befuddled.

Next, he'd decided that -- in order to be powerful enough to have someone complete his demand -- he needed to take over Candy Land.

There were three castles that he'd seen. The first was too cold, and the second was too sugary, but the third… The third was just right.

So he'd ordered his Hatori to get them inside no matter what.

After breaking down the licorice door, they'd thrown Lord Licorice out the window and continued to the highest tower, from which Akito assumed he would be able to control all the world.

Unfortunately, the highest tower was a candy storage room. After downing three super-sized Pixie Stix -- THE POWER! THE PURE, UNADULTERATED POWER! -- Akito had leapt through the window, expecting to fly, and a gust of sugary air had complied, lifting his bony frame up to the roof, where he had burst into maniacal laughter.

Shortly thereafter, Lord Licorice burst into the energy room and shut off Candy Land's power supply. Without its constant supply of Pixie Stix, Mr. Sun crashed from his constant sugar high, plunging Candy Land into darkness.

**_Clean up after yourselves._**

Tohru looked around, decided that they were making a mess, and said, "Zippy razzmatazz bippity boppity boo."

And Mr. Sun smiled, and the world fell apart.

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

**_Forgotten?_**

Hiro and Kisa looked around. The sun had turned back on, but Momiji, Haru, and Rin were nowhere to be seen. For that matter, they seemed to be the only ones left in Candy Land.

Oh well. They could wait with Gramma Nut until the world made sense again.


	4. Life: Part One

**_Life's a game._**

Tohru looked around as the smoke cleared and the world came into view. She was in a little black car with Hana, who was looking at the steering wheel in confusion.

"It's a western-style car," she murmured, then turned to Tohru, "You said the magic words?"

Tohru nodded, then rolled down the window to look out at everyone else. Hatori and Akito were in a little yellow car behind them, Kyou and Kagura were to their right in a little red car, Shigure and Ayame were in a little white car just behind Kyou and Kagura, and Yuki and Uo were in a little blue car to their left.

But Kureno, Ritsu, Momiji, Haru, Rin, Hiro, and Kisa were all nowhere to be seen.

"I guess the spell only works on those closest together," Hana murmured, then suddenly a billboard fell from the sky.

_Now that you've got your car and your life partner, get ready to spin the career wheel!_

"Life partner?" Tohru squeaked, looking at Hana in surprise, "We're married?"

Hana just smiled and took Tohru's hand as every other car roared, some shocked, some disgusted, and others delighted to find themselves married to their partners.

**_Life does not have to be sensible._**

The career wheel ended up being the steering wheel. Each person was forced to spin it, whether they wanted to or not. The car seemed to know everything a person hated, and was more than willing to threaten them with it. Kyou was pelted with water, leeks, and Prince Yuki plush toys before he conceded, but others gave in much more quickly.

Most wished they hadn't.

In the corner of each dashboard was a bank total, along with the jobs that each person had and their respective salaries.

"Hari's a housewife!" Shigure sang, and Ayame looked distressed on his dear friend's behalf.

"And with Akito as a teacher, they make the least of all of us!" he moaned, waving his hands dramatically, "Oh, Gure-san, whatever shall we do?"

Hatori closed his eyes and leaned against the passenger side's window. The billboards had already informed them that the one on the right side -- the western passenger side -- was to be called the 'wife'. Of all the indignities--!

He rolled up the window, silencing the rest of the Mabudachi trio. At least he wasn't stuck with one of them. He could imagine -- quite vividly -- Ayame forcing him into a maid's uniform, or, worse, a nurse's. Even a schoolgirl's! And if he'd been married, there would've been a wedding dress…

Yes, there were horrors that not even Akito could terrify him with.


	5. And the Players are:

**_A brief interlude as they sort themselves out._**

Every windshield suddenly went black, then lit up with the following words.

_Welcome to the **Game of Life**!_

_We realize that this may be a shock to some of you,_

_but now we're going to begin!_

_The Players are as follows:_

**La La La**_  
_

_Saki Hanajima_

_Car: Black_

_Wife: Tohru Honda_

_Career: Doctor - Psychologist_

_Salary: $100,000_

_House: Victorian_

**La La La**_  
_

_Tohru Honda_

_Car: Black_

_Husband: Saki Hanajima_

_Career: Sales Person - Chef_

_Salary: $50,000_

_House: Victorian_

**La La La**

_Akito Sohma_

_Car: Yellow_

_Wife: Hatori Sohma_

_Career: Teacher_

_Salary: $20,000_

_House: Farmhouse_

**La La La**

_Hatori Sohma_

_Car: Yellow_

_Husband: Akito Sohma_

_Career: Housewife_

_Salary: $0_

_House: Farmhouse_

**La La La**

_Arisa Uotani_

_Car: Blue_

_Wife: Yuki Sohma_

_Career: Police Officer_

_Salary: $40,000_

_House: Mobile Home_

**La La La**

_Yuki Sohma_

_Car: Blue_

_Husband: Arisa Uotani_

_Career: Accountant_

_Salary: $80,000_

_House: Mobile Home_

**La La La**

_Kyou Sohma_

_Car: Red_

_Wife: Kagura Sohma_

_Career: Computer Consultant_

_Salary: $90,000_

_House: Log Cabin_

**La La La**

_Kagura Sohma_

_Car: Red_

_Husband: Kyou Sohma_

_Career: Athlete_

_Salary: $60,000_

_House: Log Cabin_

**La La La**

_Shigure Sohma_

_Car: White_

_Wife: Ayame Sohma_

_Career: Artist_

_Salary: $30,000_

_House: Cozy Condo_

**La La La**

_Ayame Sohma_

_Car: White_

_Husband: Shigure Sohma_

_Career: Entertainer_

_Salary: $70,000_

_House: Cozy Condo_

**La La La**

_Players, start your engines! You will run out of gas when your turn is up._

_Remember: take it slow. There's no need to rush_

_into retirement._

**_GO!_**


End file.
